Stumble

drunk
we stumble
in the naked street
we too
naked
stumbling
elbows linked
cheek firm against a vinyl bicep
as i resist your weight tries to pull me down
stumble
neon reads fuzzy backward on the damp pavement
rain breaks
gently collects in potholes
glistens off streetcar tracks
silence
even the passing cabs silent
animated indulgence pizza shop windows like tvs on mute
you crouch to my ear babble senselessly
and your drunken noise too
inaudible
i float with cotton in my ears
novocaine glide
in the thick sky
breathe springtime
breathe possibility
of this empty street
in this potent night
unstable pair
stumbling vulnerable
a canyon between eyes and rationale
i can gauge the idea as it grows upon your face
slowly
you are simple brilliant
it makes me want to cry
kiss you
steady
drag leading us
naked free
new
your rib burns in my torso
virginal gaze we survey eden
just knowing we're gonna fuck it up
at some point
beyond awe
time begins now
and we await creation
open
to stimulation
that we could hardly notice
but are innately aware of
in this naked street
in this perfect night

THIS IS NOT OKAY

They call it the female perspective. I call bullshit. CBC has announced that during the Stanley Cup Final they are going to be offering an audio feed of something called While The Men Watch. Lena Sutherland and Jules Mancuso have been doing online commentary over popular sporting events that they describe as "sports commentary that women actually want to hear."

I had never heard of these women before today, and when a co-worker pointed out this Deadspin article to me I thought, that could be fun, but when I read this:

“In all seriousness, there is no shortage of talented female sportscasters out there who we respect. We just think it's more fun to talk about why so many gorgeous players come from Welland Ontario and why they all skate around with scotch tape holding up their socks. “

I was livid. Now, I am not in the business of hating on women and I'd be lying if I told you that I did not ogle the men on the ice, especially as the playoffs go on and they start getting all beardy and rugged Mmmmm.... So I really had to think. What is making me so angry?

These women call themselves “Sex in the City meets Hockey Night” and their commentary centres around fashion, sex and wilfully misunderstanding the rules of the game, or acting as if they don't understand what is going on because they perceive this to be clever or funny. I can't fault these women for doing what they are doing. They fully own up to what they are selling- but here's the problem- I'm not buying. This is not “sports commentary that women actually want to hear.” I can say this because I am a woman.

Now I could have happily gone on ignoring these two but CBC had to go ahead and legitimize this nonsense as “sports commentary that women actually want to hear” and this is not okay.

It is offensive to intimate that women need a special dumbed-down, sexed-up feed in order to appreciate, tolerate or sit through a hockey game and this is not okay.

It is offensive to suggest that given the choice, I would rather listen to two women that are working to preserve every antiquated assault on good sense and self esteem that Cosmo has to offer over your own very fine, skilled and qualified announcers and this is not okay.

It is extremely, unbelievably offensive to tell other people that this is sports commentary that I actually want to hear because when you say this about me YOU MAKE ME LOOK LIKE AN ASSHOLE and this is DEFINITELY NOT OKAY.

Eleanor Roosevelt famously said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” The CBC may have made me angry, but I do not accept their premise. I will however, accept their apology.